It's Over
by The 1000th Kiss
Summary: The unbelievable happens in the RENT world. R&R if you please!
1. We Broke Up

**It's raining here in Alliance, Ohio and a story just came to me. Plus I haven't written anything in a while. So . . . yea. Read and tell me what goes through your mind.**

**I own nothing but the plot line. The Almighty Larson owns the rest. **

Angel Dummot Schunard walked hastily through the rain as tears streamed down his cheeks. The legs of his jeans got wet with each step he took. As the rain mixed with his tears, he wrapped his arms around himself. His red jacket was getting wetter by the second and he was freezing, but he pretended not to notice. Collins had told him that it would be cold and raining on and off all week, but he didn't listen. He was done listening to Collins.

He reached the building that Mark, Roger, and Mimi lived in, rushed up to the loft, fell to his knees, and began to cry. Rain dripped off of his jacket and onto the floor as he did his best to knock on the loft door. He heard the door slide open as he continued to sob.

"Angel!" Mimi exclaimed, kneeling down in front of him. Angel looked at his best friend, tears streaming down his face. "What's wrong?" Angel wanted to tell her so many things. He wanted to go into detail and make sure that she was on his side. Only he couldn't. He could barely form words. "Angel?"

"Collins . . ." Angel managed. His body shook as he sobbed. Mimi wiped some of his tears away. "Collins and I . . ."

"What?" Mimi said. "What happened with Collins?"

"We . . . we broke up." Mimi gasped and pulled her friend into a hug.

**I know it's a small first chapter, but (if you can) review please.**


	2. One Drunken Night

**An update for you all! Read, review, and enjoy!**

**I own nothing but the plot line. The Almighty Larson owns the rest. **

Thomas Collins sat on a stool at a bar not too far from his apartment. Smoke from cigarettes floated around his head. He stared at the shot glass full of Absolut that was in front of him. He'd lost the love of his life not even an hour before and alcohol seemed to be helping the pain he felt in his chest. The bar tender came toward him just as he gulped down his small drink.

"Another shot of Absolut?" he asked, already about to pour the alcohol into Collins' glass.

"Yea, keep it comin'," Collins replied as his shot glass was filled. "On second thought, just leave the bottle." The bar tender looked at him with a look of sympathy in his eyes, put the bottle of Absolut down next to his Collins' arm, and walked to the other end of the bar. As he served other customers, he watched Collins take a giant gulp out of the bottle he'd given him. After Collins took three long drinks, the bar tender walked back over to him.

"Okay, you look like you need somebody to talk to," he told Collins. "Come on, big guy, talk to me." Collins stared at the bar tender. "I've heard every story known to man. I can help you with anything you're going through."

"Well . . ." Collins shifted on the bar stool he was sitting on, "I don't really know if I should share this with you."

"It's okay. Just trust me."

"All right, but I'm gonna have to start at the beginning and it's a _long _story."

"I've got time." Collins went through everything he and Angel had been through together. He started with the night they met and went through every single fight they'd had in the past three weeks. The fights were sparked by the tiniest of things until neither of them was happy anymore. With every word Collins spoke, the bar tender, whose name, Collins learned, was Justin, wanted to cry.

"And then she just . . . she just . . . left," Collins finished his story. He'd finished the entire bottle of Absolut and was on his second. "I loved her . . . and she . . . just left me." He was a bit drunk from the alcohol.

"Poor thing," Justin said, grabbing one of Collins' hands and holding it. "She didn't deserve you anyway." Collins didn't agree with that, but he remained silent. "You need someone who appreciates you." Smiling goofily at Justin, Collins finished the rest of his Absolut.

"Well, I gotta get . . . um . . . back to my apartment," he said. "How much do I owe ya?"

"It's on the house."

"Seriously, how much?"

"I'll pay for it out of my paycheck."

"Well, thanks." Collins took his hand back and stood up. He stumbled a bit before holding onto the bar counter to regain his balance. "Damn . . . I think I'm lil' bit drunk."

"Well, my shift was over a while ago," Justin said. "I could take you home."

"Then how come . . . how come . . ."

"I wanted to hear your story." Justin came from behind the counter. "So, are you accepting my ride?" Collins nodded as Justin grabbed his hand and led him out to his car. Justin spent the short car ride asking Collins questions about himself. Collins did the same and in doing this they discovered that they had many things in common, including having AIDS. Once they were at Collins' apartment door, Justin had to unlock the door. Collins was still drunk enough to try to put his key into the lock upside down.

"Welcome to my home!" Collins exclaimed as they walked in the door. He turned on a nearby lamp and Justin looked around the livingroom area. "You wanna take a tour?" Justin nodded and looped his arm through Collins'.

"Why don't we start with the bedroom?" Justin asked, a hint of lust in his voice. Oblivious, Collins led Justin to the bedroom he used to share with Angel and opened the door.

"There ain't much to see in here," Collins said. "Let's see . . . there's a dresser . . . and a closet . . . and night stand . . . and a lamp . . . and of course a bed big enough for two."

"Is the bed comfortable?" Justin asked.

"Yea." Collins went toward the bed and plopped down on it. "Come sit." Justin walked over to the bed and stood in front of Collins. "You gonna sit with me?"

"I'm not really in a sitting mood," Justin replied. Before Collins could respond, Justin's lips were pressed against his. Soon, he found himself on his back and Justin straddling him, still kissing him.

"Wait a minute . . ." Collins said, breaking the kiss for a moment. "Wait . . ."

"What's the matter?" Justin asked. "Don't you like this?" He began kissing Collins' neck in spots that only Angel had kissed before.

"That . . . feels . . . good . . ." He was caught in the moment and found himself losing control of his body. He didn't want the feeling to end.

He wanted more . . .

* * *

_Hangover, _Collins thought when he opened his eyes the next morning. He sat upright in his bed, rubbed his eyes, and looked around the room. He saw clothes all over the floor and instantly remembered the details of the night before. Slipping quietly out of bed, he went over to the dresser, pulled out a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt, and slipped them on before heading for the kitchen. He made a pot of coffee, poured some into a mug, and sipped it. He heard the door of the apartment open and close. Curious, he walked into the livingroom area and saw Angel pacing back and forth near the couch.

"Angel?" he said. His voice cracked and he felt like he would cry for a moment. "What . . . what're you doin' here?" He walked over to the couch and put his mug on the coffee table in front of it.

"I came here to get my stuff," Angel replied, sitting on the couch. "But then I started thinking about how we didn't really talk before the breakup. So . . . can we talk?" Before Collins could say yes, Justin came into the room and wrapped his arms around Collins' middle and stood on his toes to kiss his neck.

"I woke up and you were gone," he said. "I got worried." Collins looked at Angel's facial expression and knew there was no way he'd want to talk now. He was so close to getting his love back.

_So close, _he thought.

**Review please.**


	3. Over

**Next chapter! Hope you like it!**

**I own nothing but the plot line. The Almighty Larson owns the rest.**

A look of shock mixed with anger was plastered on Angel's face as he stared at Justin, who was wearing jeans and nothing else. Collins' eyes were closed tightly and he wished that all of this was just some horrible dream that he could wake up from at any second. He pictured his life with Angel before the breakup. His thoughts were interrupted when Angel spoke.

"Who is he?" he asked Collins. Collins' eyes snapped open and he looked at Angel. The look he was giving him made him cringe. This was the second time he actually feared Angel. The first time was a day when he'd made him _very _angry while he was cutting up vegetables with a rather large kitchen knife.

"I'm Justin," Justin answered. "Who are you?"

"I'm Angel." Angel glared at Collins, who involuntarily took one step backwards.

"_You're _Angel? Well, you messed up big time! Collins is so sweet and charming. Not to mention _one hell of a lover_."

"I know all of that and more about him." Angel folded his arms. "You didn't waste any time at all finding someone new, did you, Collins?"

"I . . . I . . ." Collins couldn't form a sentence. He couldn't think of what he should say in his situation. "I . . . can explain . . .?"

"Don't bother. I'll just come get my stuff sometime when you're not here." Angel walked to the door, opened it, and walked out of the apartment without looking back. Collins' mind was spinning. It took several moments for him to process the fact that Angel had left the apartment.

"Don't worry, Collins," Justin said. "I'll take good care of you."

"Angel . . ." Collins said, not even fully hearing what Justin had just said to him. "Angel!" Collins ran out of the apartment, down the three flights of stairs, and out of the building just in time to see Angel walking around a corner. "Angel, wait!" He ran as fast as he could and managed to catch up with Angel, who didn't acknowledge the fact that his ex-boyfriend was walking beside him. "Angel . . . please talk to me."

"Why should I?" Angel replied angrily. "Why don't you go back to the fuck-fest you were having?"

"Angel, I made a mistake. You left me, I was hurtin', I went to a bar, had one too many drinks, and one thing led to another."

"So you're just gonna blame the fact that you slept with a guy you _barely _know on you being drunk? You don't think it had anything at all to do with your _overactive libido?" _

"Angel, I was drunk, lonely, and very vulnerable."

"And undoubtedly horny."

"Angel, let's not talk about last night, okay?" Collins was getting aggravated. He then realized something that he knew would make things worse, but his desire to have the last laugh didn't let him care at the moment. "Correct me if I'm wrong, and I know I'm not, but aren't _you _the one who told _me _'it's over?'"

"What are you getting at?"

"Not only was I drunk, but I was also under the impression that I was single. So you have no right to get mad at me like I cheated on you or somethin'." Angel stopped walking and looked at Collins. He had a calm expression on his face. An expression that looked as if he was about to start gloating.

"It's not you sleeping with that Justin guy I'm mad about," Angel replied. "It's just . . . you didn't even wait a full day before going out and finding someone new to be with." A tear rolled down one of Angel's cheeks.

"Crying will get you nowhere," Collins said, folding his arms.

"I loved you, Collins. I loved you more than anything in the world and you just–"

"You broke up with me!"Collins interrupted. "How the hell is that showing me you love me, Angel!? Huh!?"

"I just needed a break! I was speaking out of anger! I never wanted to break up with you! It was a mistake!"

"Needed a break from what!?"

"From you wanting me to be perfect all the time! And wanting sex when I clearly state that I'm not in the mood! I needed a break from you . . . controlling me!"

"Controlling you!? When the hell have I ever . . ." Collins stopped himself in mid-sentence. "You know what? Forget it. Just forget it." He turned and started walking back toward his apartment.

"So, I guess . . . we're really over then?" Angel called to him. He stopped walking for a moment and thought. Did he really want to give up on the best thing that had ever happened to him?

"Yea," Collins replied loud enough so he wouldn't have to turn and face Angel. "I guess we are." Collins ran to his apartment. Once he got there, he slammed the door shut and stood with his back to it. He took a few deep breaths before sliding down to the floor and sitting there. He began to cry saw Justin rushing over to him through his tear-filled eyes.

"Are you okay?" Justin asked, kneeling in front him. He looked into Justin's sympathetic eyes and shook his head. "You poor thing. I'm sorry I . . . ruined your chances of getting back together with Angel."

"It's not your fault," Collins said. "I guess . . . we weren't meant to be like I thought we were." Justin kissed Collins' forehead. He suddenly got an idea.

"Why don't we go out?" he suggested. "Maybe that'll take your mind off of Angel." Collins smiled sadly.

"That'd be nice," he said. Justin smiled and kissed Collins on the cheek. "Where should we go?"

"We could just go out for lunch or something. But first we have to get freshened up." Justin helped Collins to his feet and pulled him toward the bathroom. "A day out is exactly what you need. Trust me." Collins smiled slightly.

"I do," he said.

**I hope this is liked so far. **

**Review please! Please?**


	4. Grief, Fury, and a Date

**Next chapter. =)**

**I own nothing but the plot line. The Almighty Larson owns the rest.**

"Collins found someone else?" Mark asked after Angel had explained why he was even more upset now than he was the previous night. Mimi was holding her friend while he cried. Roger still wasn't fully registering the sentence "Collins and I are over."

"His name's Justin," Angel said, in the comfort of Mimi's arms. "And he's good looking too."

"I bet he doesn't look better than _you_," Mimi told her friend. "_Nobody _can look better than you, chica." Angel smiled a bit just as Maureen barged into the loft with Joanne right behind her.

"I just used Pookie's cell phone to call Collins 'cause we were in the car and I was _reeeeeeally _bored and he told me that he and Angel broke up!" she exclaimed. "Somebody tell me Collins is stoned out of his mind and doesn't know what he's talking about!"

"Maureen, calm down," Joanne pleaded.

"Nobody's telling me! Angel, tell me your boyfriend's stoned or drunk or something!" Angel looked at Maureen and tears formed in his eyes.

"I don't know what my _ex_-boyfriend is doing right now, but it probably involves Justin," he said.

"No, no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,noooooooooooooooo!" Maureen cried. "This isn't right! You guys are supposed to be together forever!" She stormed over to Mark and Roger's phone, picked up the receiver, and started pushing numbers down with extreme force.

"Maureen, who are you calling?" Roger asked.

"I'm calling Collins and I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind! He can't just break up with Angel! She–"

"Maureen, I'm the one who ended it," Angel said meekly. Maureen hung up the phone and stared at Angel with widened eyes. It was silent for about thirteen seconds.

"Well, what the fuck did you do that for!?" Maureen screamed.

"Maureen, calm yourself down!" Joanne told her girlfriend.

"Why would you break up with Collins!? He's a nice guy and totally hot!"

"You wouldn't understand the reason," Angel replied.

"Then I'll just think you broke up with him for _no reason at all_ and be even more pissed than I already was!"

"Stop yelling at her, Maureen!" Mimi demanded. "You think it was easy for her to leave Collins!?"

"Well–" Maureen stopped her sentence. "Who the hell is Justin?"

"Apparently Collins' new boyfriend," Mark said.

"New boyfriend? When did you guys break up?"

"Yesterday," Angel answered. He started to cry again and Mimi hugged him tighter.

"What the hell!? Why didn't Collins wait before dating again!?"

"Maureen, _please _calm down," Joanne said for the third time.

"Maybe it wouldn't hurt as much if I wasn't still in love with him," Angel sobbed. "It's my fault he's with Justin anyway. I drove him into another man's arms." He sniffed and Mimi kissed his forehead.

"No!" Maureen shouted. "No, no, no! I'm gonna get you guys back together!"

"He won't wanna be with me. He probably doesn't even wanna talk to me."

"I'll come up with something, Angel. Don't you worry." Angel nodded as Maureen sat down in the armchair next to the couch and began to think.

**

* * *

**

"I'm just gonna ask," Justin said. "Do you _really _like eating that?" Collins stared at his veggie burger and then at Justin's beef burger. They had decided to go to a nice, quiet diner for their lunch date. Justin's goal was to get Collins to stop making himself sad by thinking about Angel and it seemed to be working so far.

"Well, yea," Collins replied. "I'm a vegetarian."

"I know that, but . . . does it have any taste?"

"You want a bite?"

"Um . . . no thanks." Justin picked his burger. "I'll just stick with my _normal_ burger." As Justin took a bite of his burger, Collins picked up one of his fries and tossed it at him. Justin giggled and tossed a fry back at Collins. "I'm really glad you decided to come to lunch with me."

"I'm really glad I did too," Collins replied with a smile.

"Does this mean . . . you like me?" Justin blushed deeply. Collins chuckled at how red Justin was.

"Yea . . . I like you." Justin smiled. "You wanna go for a walk after this?"

"Sure. Where to?"

"I was thinkin' through the park. And then we could sit on a bench and talk or somethin'."

"That sounds romantic."

"Yes." Collins felt a tinge of guilt for suggesting the walk through the park. He and Angel always took walks there, hand in hand. He didn't remember walking with anyone else through the park besides Angel. He could still feel the way their fingers would lace with one another's as soft winds blew while they walked, occasionally smiling at each other or giggling. At that moment, he felt like crying.

"Stop thinking about Angel," Justin said, snapping Collins back to reality. "You're just torturing yourself."

"Huh?" he replied. Justin reached over the table and wiped a lone tear off of Collins' cheek. "Where the hell did that come from?"

"Your eye. You completely zoned out. Didn't you hear me calling your name?" Collins shook his head and Justin sighed. "Collins, she doesn't want you anymore. You said so yourself. Why can't you move on?" Collins thought of several things he could say as a reply to what Justin had just said, but he knew an argument would follow if he said any of them.

"You're right," he said just to get off of the subject of 'moving on.' "I won't think about her for the rest of the day." He forced a smile and Justin smiled as well. Collins knew that he wouldn't be able to not think about Angel for the rest of the day and he wasn't planning on doing so. Nobody was going to block Angel from his thoughts.

_I wonder what she's doing now_, he thought, taking another bite of his veggie burger.

**You will review, yes? Yes! =)**


	5. Moving On

**Um...next chapter. No reviews for the last chapter. What's up with that? I thought I'd at least get one. Oh well. You can't win 'em all.**

**I own nothing but the plot line. The Almighty Larson owns the rest.**

"No more questions," Collins told Justin as they came to a bench in the park. They had been walking for a little over an hour and Justin had been questioning Collins about his life ever since.

"Just a few more," Justin said as he and Collins sat down on the bench. "Please?"

"Fine, but the _very next time _I say 'no more questions,' you _better _stop asking them. You got that?" Justin nodded and Collins sighed. "What's the next question?"

"When did you come out to your parents?" Collins thought for a short while.

"The day before I left for college," he answered.

"And their reactions?"

"Let's just say, I haven't really had a conversation with them since that day." Collins winced at the memory of how his parents treated him like a stranger after he decided not to hide who he was anymore. After that day, he hid who he was from everyone. It wasn't until he'd met Angel that he made the decision to be true to himself and not care what anyone thought of him. Thinking of this, he gave a tiny smile.

"You ready for the next question?" Justin asked, interrupting Collins' thoughts.

"Uh, yea," Collins replied. He could have been technical and told Justin that he'd just asked the next question, but quickly decided against it.

"What's your biggest regret?" Justin asked, staring into the anarchist's eyes. Collins' mind immediately went back to Angel. He'd had a chance to get him back and now he'd never get another one. He looked away from Justin and forced himself not to cry.

"No more questions," he said quietly. Justin turned Collins' attention back to him.

"Your biggest regret is letting Angel go, isn't it?" he asked. Collins looked away from him again. "You need ice cream." Collins looked at Justin and couldn't help but smile.

"What?" he said, chuckling.

"Don't laugh at me," Justin told him, trying not to laugh himself. "Ice cream always helps me feel better whenever I'm upset. It's the greatest of all comfort foods. We can get some cake too if you want."

"Cake and ice cream sounds pretty good right about now." Justin smiled at Collins and took his hand. He then stood up and pulled Collins off of the bench.

"Maybe we can invite some of your friends to your apartment a little later," Justin said, practically pulling Collins along as he walked. "Being with friends usually cheers people up too."

"I don't know about that," Collins responded. He knew deep down that Angel had told Mimi about Justin. That meant that all of his friends knew that he'd found someone else within at least an hour of being single. They would surely hate him for not waiting a while before trying to date again.

"Well, then we'll just have cake and ice cream for ourselves," Justin said. Collins let his mind wander to Angel while Justin pulled him along to where they left Justin's car. There was a couple making out on the front of the car. Collins noticed that one of them had on a pair of zebra printed pantyhose and rather tall high heels. "Hey! Get off my car!" Justin pulled Collins over to the car as the couple stopped making out and looked at them. Justin gasped and Collins was at a loss for words. He knew he recognized the pantyhose and the heels.

"A-Angel?" he said. He felt his heart breaking as Angel and the man he was making out with slid off of Justin's car.

"Hello, Collins," Angel replied.

**A long chapter? No. Should you review? Yes! =)**


	6. Karma

**Holy crap! I'm not dead! I _am_, however, under the stress of being a senior in high school, filling out scholarships, college applications, getting my cap and gown ordered for graduation, and preparing myself for the AP test I have to take in April or May. **

**But, alas, I had some downtime and decided to use it to update something! Yay! Before I forget, I will be deleting one of my stories shortly because I forgot where I was going with it and trying to write the next chapter anyway has turned it into a steaming pile of crud. =( Maybe I'll put it back up someday. Anyway . . .**

**I own nothing but the plot line. The Almighty Larson owns the rest.**

Collins stared at his former lover and the mysterious man. Angel smirked at Collins while the man put an arm around his waist. Justin saw that Collins' eyes were filled with tears and instantly felt sorry for him. An awkward silence passed between the four of them. Justin was the first to break it.

"So . . . who's your friend?" he asked Angel. He felt Collins' hand slip from his.

"This is Michael," Angel answered. Collins stared at him with widened eyes.

"Your ex-boyfriend?" he asked in shock.

"That's right." Angel kissed Michael on the cheek and smiled at him. "I decided to give him another chance. Didn't I, honey?" Michael chuckled and pulled Angel into a deep kiss. Collins closed his eyes. A mixture of anger and sadness was boiling inside of him. He pictured himself lunging toward Michael, tearing him away from Angel, pushing him to the ground, wrapping his hands around his neck, and slamming his head on the concrete over and over again.

He saw Angel and Michael staring at each other lovingly as he slowly opened his eyes.

"How could you do this to me?" he asked Angel. He tried his hardest to stop himself from crying. Angel looked from Michael to Collins.

"You didn't think you'd be the only one to find someone new, did you?" he retorted. He watched tears fall from Collins' eyes. "Crying will get you nowhere."

"Angel . . . I know you're mad, but . . . I . . ." Collins broken off. He could barely form a sentence. "I-"

"He doesn't need you," Justin interrupted. "He's got _me." _Angel walked closer to Collins

"His tears say otherwise," Angel said, his attention still on Collins. He lowered his voice. "How does it feel to see the person you loved in the arms of someone else?" Collins didn't respond as Angel walked back to Michael and grabbed his hand.

"Are we still going for our walk?" Michael asked. Angel smiled and nodded. No words were exchanged as Angel and Michael walked around Collins and Justin.

**

* * *

**

"Just forget about her," Justin told Collins once they arrived back at the apartment. "She's moved on. Why can't you?" Collins stopped pacing back and forth angrily and glared at Justin, who was sitting on the couch. "Look, I'm just saying-"

"You won't get it," Collins interrupted. "You will _never _understand how much pain I'm in right now until you go through it."

"She was no good for you, Collins." Collins' glare grew more intense as he took a step toward Justin. "I'm right and you know I am. She didn't appreciate you. She probably didn't even really love you."

"Shut up!" Collins put his hands over his ears.

"You need to hear the truth, Collins. She-"

"Shut up, shut up, shut up! Just shut the hell up! You have no fucking idea what you're saying right now! You don't know the _first goddamn thing _about Angel!"

"Listen-"

"No, _you _listen! I have never loved someone as much as I loved Angel! She was my _everything! _She made me _whole! _She did so much for me! I can't even _begin _to tell you! All _you _know about her is she left me! That's not enough to judge her!" Justin followed Collins with his eyes as he began pacing again. "The night we broke up, I could've gone after her! I could've apologized for whatever she was mad about and gotten her back, but you just _had _to seduce me! Now, she's with her fucking ex!" Collins stopped pacing and punched a wall.

It was silent, save Collins' heavy breathing, for twelve seconds. Collins leaned on the wall he'd punched and closed his eyes. Justin got up from the couch and placed his hands on Collins' shoulders. Collins slowly opened his eyes and they stared at each other for a long moment.

"I'm sorry," Justin said softly. "I really am. I shouldn't have seduced you. That was selfish. I actually know what it's like for someone you love and cherish to leave you. I should've been more sensitive." Justin kissed Collins on the cheek just as the phone rang. Collins crossed the room and answered it.

"Yeah?" he said.

"_Hey, Collins," _Mark's voice said. _"Um . . . everybody's going to the Life Café tonight for dinner and Joanne's paying. I was wondering if . . . you'd wanna come."_

"I don't know, man," Collins replied. "Who's gonna be there?"

"_You know, everybody. Me, Roger, Mimi, Maureen, Joanne . . ."_

"Angel?"

"_Um . . . she might be there."_

"Then count me out." Justin took the phone out of Collins hand and put it to his ear.

"Hello, I'm Justin," he began, "And Collins would _love _to come to dinner with you."

"What the hell are you doing?" Collins asked him. He tried to take the phone back, but Justin stood up and walked to the other side of the room.

"Don't worry, Mark, he'll be there. What time?" Collins practically ran toward Justin He tried to grab the phone again, but Justin ran back to the other side of the room.

"_Uh . . . around seven?" _Mark's voice said._ "You can . . . come too if you want . . ."_

"Gimme the damn phone!" Collins demanded, charging toward Justin. He remembered chasing Angel around the living room and trying to take the phone away from him. He somewhat smiled at the memory of tickling him until he dropped the phone on the floor.

"Okay, he'll see you at seven," Justin said into the phone quickly. "Bye." He hung up the phone just as Collins reached him.

"What if I didn't wanna go to dinner?" he asked, folding his arms.

"You _need _to see your friends, Collins. They need to know you're okay." Justin grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the bedroom. "Now, we need to find you something spectacular to wear."

_I bet Angel wears something spectacular too_, Collins thought.

**That's that chapter. Review please! =)**


	7. Dinner and a Show

**'Tis time for the next chapter! Well, that is all. Read the disclaimer and enjoy.**

**I own nothing but the plot line. The Almighty Larson owns the rest.**

"I don't think I wanna do this," Collins admitted as Justin parked his car in front of the Life Café. He stared at the restaurant and replayed all the meals he shared with his friends there in his mind. He mostly thought about the dinners he'd had with Angel. Just the two of them. His favorite private dinner with Angel occurred on her birthday. They arrived about an hour before closing time and were the only two people there. He had arranged for the lights to be turned off once they had ordered their meals and their waiter brought a lit candle to the table. The dinner ended with Collins giving Angel a ring with the words "I'll cover you" inscribed on it. That ring came with a promise that he would love her until death and beyond.

"Collins, this'll be good for you," Justin assured him. "Besides, Mark sounded worried about you."

"I just . . . don't know if I can do it." Collins was fighting back his tears. "Seeing her . . . with him-"

"I know it hurts," Justin interrupted. He turned Collins' head toward him."You just have to try your hardest to move on and let your past be just that. The past. Okay?" Collins nodded and received a gentle kiss on his lips. "Let's go."

They both got out of the car and shut the doors at the same time. Collins made no other movements. He just stared at the café, remembering the first time he'd taken Angel there after Maureen's protest-turned-riot. Justin suddenly took his hand and led him into the restaurant. Inside, Collins closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Collins!" Mark's voice rang out above the chatter of the other customers. Collins' eyes snapped open and he looked in the direction Mark's voice had come from. The filmmaker was waving at him. He turned to Justin, who smiled at him.

"Come on," he said. He then pulled Collins over to the table his friends were sitting at. Collins immediately noticed Angel wasn't there. An awkward silence ensued as everyone at the table stared at Justin.

"Uh . . . everybody, this is Justin," Collins said, making a hand gesture toward Justin. "And Justin, this is Mark, Roger, Mimi, Maureen, and Joanne."

"Hi, everybody," Justin greeted, releasing Collins' hand and giving a small wave.

"Why don't you two have a seat?" Mark suggested. Collins sat in the empty chair next to Mark and Justin sat next to Collins. There was another awkward silence.

"So . . . your name's Justin?" Roger asked in an attempt to start a conversation.

"Yeah," Justin replied.

"And you're sleeping with my best friend?" Maureen added.

"Maureen!" Joanne hissed, elbowing the drama queen in the side.

"What? It was _just _a question."

"That's none of your business!"

"Look," Justin began, placing his hands on the table, "I know me being with Collins is a little . . . awkward for you all-"

"And weird," Maureen interjected.

"Maureen, please," Joanne said, rubbing her temples.

"What? I was just commenting on the situation."

"Well, keep your comments to yourself."

"Oh, my God! You're doing it _again!" _

"What exactly am I doing?"

"Trying to act like you're the boss of me!"

"Oh, God," Justin said as Maureen and Joanne quarreled. "I didn't mean to start an argument." Roger and Mimi chuckled. "What's funny?"

"You didn't start that argument," Mimi told Justin. She made sure she was speaking loud enough so Justin could hear her over Maureen and Joanne. "They _always _argue. It's what they do."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah," Roger said just as loud as Mimi. "It was only a matter of time before they started arguing. And it's always about something stupid."

"–wouldn't even let me pet it!" Maureen screamed at Joanne. "I'm _really_ sick of you treating me like a child!"

"I wouldn't treat you like a child if you didn't _act _like one!" Joanne shouted. Maureen's jaw dropped. "Will you please just-"

"I _am not _sitting by you anymore!" Maureen interrupted, standing up. She picked her chair up and carried it to the other side of Mark. "Move down, Mark. I'm sitting next to Collins." Mark stared at her in disbelief. She put her chair down and punched Mark in the arm. "Move!"

"Ow!" Mark exclaimed, rubbing the spot on his arm where Maureen had punched him. He reluctantly slid his chair closer to Joanne. Maureen placed her chair next to Collins and sat down.

"Do they _really _argue like that all the time?" Justin asked Collins quietly.

"_All _the time," Collins answered.

"I see, we missed the first argument," Angel said. Collins looked from Justin to Angel. He was wearing a tight little, black dress and a shoulder length wig.

"Don't worry, chica," Mimi told her friend. "I'm sure there'll be many, many more." Angel laughed as Michael pulled the empty chair next to Mimi out for him. Collins stared at his former lover as he sat down.

"Hi, Collins," Angel said. Michael sat down next to him and grabbed his hand. Collins was at a loss for words and didn't respond as Justin placed a hand on his thigh.

The waiter came then. Everyone ordered some kind of alcoholic beverage to go with their meals. When their drinks were brought to the table, they all began to drink them at the same time. Collins gulped his entire drink down without taking a breath. By the time everyone's meals arrived, he had already had three refills and was asking for a fourth.

"Collins, sweetie, I think you should slow down on the alcohol," Justin told the anarchist. Angel gave Justin a slight glare. _He _was the only one allowed to call Collins "sweetie."

"I'm not even all the way drunk yet," Collins said. He threw down the rest of his drink.

"I think if he feels like being drunk, you should let him," Angel commented. His voice had an angry tone to it.

"I don't want him to have a horrible hangover," Justin said.

"I'm a grown ass man . . . an' I'll drink as much as I damn well please," Collins replied, raising his glass. "Waiter! 'Nother drink over here!"

"I wanna be drunk, too!" Maureen exclaimed. She gulped down the rest of her drink and slammed her glass down on the table. "Waiter!" Joanne closed her eyes and shook her head. Collins put his glass back on the table, picked up his fork, and stabbed at his pasta.

"Honey, hold on," Justin said, taking the fork out of Collins' hand. He then scooped a little of the pasta onto the fork. "Open up." Collins did as he was told and Justin inserted the fork in his mouth. Angel gave Justin another glare as he watched him feed Collins.

"I'll be right back," he informed everyone. "I have to go to the little girls' room." Angel stood up, grabbed Mimi's arm, and the two left the table. Everyone, save Justin, Collins, and Michael, exchanged looks.

"You know what?" Collins said in between bites of pasta. "I have to pee, too." He stood up to leave the table.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Justin asked.

"Nah. You just . . . stay here and get to know everybody." Collins took two steps away from the table and ran into another table where a couple was having dinner. "Shit, sorry." After running into several tables and apologizing to the people sitting at them, Collins finally made his way to the restrooms. He stared at the women's restroom door and his curiosity got the best of him. He pressed his ear against the door and listened to the muffled voices of Angle and Mimi.

"It just makes me so . . . mad," Angel was saying.

"Well, maybe you should talk to him about it," Mimi replied. "He might take you back if you talk everything out."

"He'd never take me back."

_Yes I would! _Collins' mind shouted. _I'd take you back in a heartbeat!_

"You never know, chica," Mimi continued. "Why don't you try it?"

"Well . . . I don't exactly know if I _want _to be in a relationship with him anymore," Angel said. Collins' heart skipped a beat. "I mean, we fought so much before the break up and . . . I just don't know." Collins burst into the bathroom, causing both Angel and Mimi to squeal.

"Angel, tell me now, and I mean _right now_, do you still love me?" he asked.

"Collins, this is the women's restroom," Angel said. "You can't be in here."

"Technically, neither can you. Now, answer my question."

"Collins-"

"Do you still love me?" Collins interrupted. Angel stared at Collins. He looked like he would burst into tears at any moment. The drag queen looked to Mimi before bringing his attention to his high heels. He wasn't sure exactly how to answer Collins' question. He _did _love him, but, at the same time, he hated him. And he wasn't sure if his hate was just jealousy. It was all so confusing.

"I . . . I don't . . . know," he said finally. He looked from his shoes to Collins' face. The anarchist's eyes were filled with tears.

"Okay then," Collins replied. He turned on his heels and bolted from the bathroom. By the time he got back to the table, he was crying. Justin immediately stood up and pulled him into a hug while the others stared at him in confusion.

"What happened?" Justin asked, wiping tears off of Collins' cheeks.

"We have to go," Collins told him.

"Why, sweetie?"

"We just have to go. _Now."_

"Collins," Angel said softly. Collins turned around to face him. "Collins, I-"

"That's the real reason you broke up with me, isn't it?" Collins interrupted. "You don't love me anymore."

"Whoa, what?" Mark asked, looking from Collins to Angel.

"Collins, that's not true," Angel said.

"Then tell me you love me," Collins told him. Angel stood perfectly still and remained silent. "That's what I thought." Collins took Justin's hand and the two headed for the door.

"If you weren't so demanding, maybe we'd still be together!" Angel called after them. Collins stopped walking and turned around.

"'Demanding?'" he repeated, walking back toward Angel.

"Yes. And controlling."

"Oh, here we go with the fucking 'controlling' shit again!"

"You're only denying it–"

"I have _never _tried–"

"–because you know it's true–"

"–to control you throughout our–"

"–and you just don't wanna believe it!"

"–entire relationship!"

"Between that and your–"

"Why are you so–"

"–insane jealousy when I–"

"–convinced that I have? It–"

"–try to hang out with my guy friends, you–"

"–doesn't make any fucking sense!"

"–drove me crazy!"

"Now, you're bringing–"

"Not to mention–"

"–your guy friends, who obviously–"

"–your paranoia and unnecessary–"

"–wanted you, into this! Just admit–"

"–violence every time someone–"

"–you don't love me! You–"

"–else even glanced at me! You know–"

"–never have! Just admit–"

"–what? I admit it, Collins! I–"

"–it! There's no sense in–"

"–don't love you! Okay?"

"–hiding it!"

"I HATE YOU!"

Angel's voice seemed to echo throughout the café. It fell completely silent and everyone's attention was on Angel and Collins. Their friends looked around at each other. No one knew what to say. They had never witnessed Angel and Collins actually fight or argue. Collins quickly walked out of the restaurant before he started crying. Outside, he leaned his forehead on top of Justin's car and let his tears fall freely. He suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm _so_ sorry, sweetie," Justin said. Collins cried even harder. "Let's just go home. I'm sorry I pushed you into this." Collins didn't respond as he opened the door on the passenger's side of the car.

"Collins, wait!" Mimi cried, rushing to her friend. "She didn't mean that. She's just frustrated right now." Collins was silent. "She really _does _love you, Collins."

"She has a funny way of showing it," Justin said, a hint of anger in his voice.

"Collins, just come back inside with me," Mimi continued, ignoring Justin's comment. "You'll see she still loves you." Collins looked at Mimi's outstretched hand.

"Don't go, Collins," Justin told him, holding his hand out as well. "You'll only get hurt again. Come with _me. _I'll give you all the love you deserve."

"Collins, you _know _how Angel feels about you. Think about how much she's done for you."

"And how much she's hurt you." Collins looked back and forth from Mimi to Justin. He _really _wanted Angel back, but he didn't want to risk being hurt again. After pondering over this thought for a while, he took Justin's hand.

"I wanna be . . . loved," he said. Justin smiled at him.

"And loved is what you'll be," he replied, pulling Collins into a deep kiss.

**Review please.**


	8. Missing You

**Next chapter! Yeah, I'm updating already. :)**

**I own nothing but the plot line. The Almighty Larson owns the rest.**

Angel stood in front of the bathroom mirror fixing his makeup. Michael had gotten a reservation at a restaurant the drag queen used to drum in front of. He had heard more about how formal anyone who went there dressed than he had about the food. He wanted to look his absolute best for this experience.

"Angel, are you ready yet?" Michael called from the hallway.

"Almost, honey!" Angel called back. He was about to put the makeup away when he looked at the neatly wrapped gift next to his feet. The gift was for Collins and it reminded him of another reason he wanted to look good. Three months had gone by since their fallout at the Life Café and they hadn't seen much of each other since then. Angel wanted to prove to Collins that he was just as happy with Michael as he'd been with him . . . even though he hadn't quite proven it to himself just yet.

"Are you ready, _now?" _Michael called again. Angel straightened his favorite bob-style wig, picked up the gift, and walked out of the bathroom.

"Ready!" he exclaimed. "How do I look?" He did a small turn and Michael chuckled.

"You _know _you always look stunning," he said, giving Angel a peck on the cheek. "You ready to go?" Angel nodded enthusiastically.

"I've been thinking about this all week," he said, smiling brightly.

"And you _are _talking about dinner, right?" Angel glanced down at the gift in his hands. He knew Michael was joking and that made it even harder for him to answer.

"Of course I am, silly," he replied, forcing himself to laugh. He was only half kidding and he really hoped Michael didn't realize it. "Let's get going."

They left their apartment and got into Michael's car. It was a silent car ride. Angel would normally tell Michael stories about his drumming adventures or describe new outfits that he was thinking about making, but this time he didn't speak at all. No, he had other things on his mind. He often wondered what Collins was doing from day to day without him. The one thing he wanted to know more than anything was whether or not Collins was happy. And if his former lover _was_ happy, did he miss him?

* * *

Collins was laying in bed, occasionally coughing or sniffling. He hated being sick. Absolutely _hated _it. Angel had never let him do anything when he was sick and he was learning that Justin was exactly the same. He was barely allowed to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. Staring at the ceiling, he thought about the events of the past three months. Not a day went by that he hadn't thought about Angel, what he could be doing, or whether or not he missed him.

"Sweetie, it's time to take your AZT," Justin said, walking into the room with a pill in one hand and a glass of water in the other. Collins sat upright and Justin gave him the pill and glass before kissing his forehead and leaving the room. Even though Justin had stayed true to his word about loving him, he couldn't help but think how different things would be if he had just gone back into the Life Café with Mimi.

_I'd be with Angel right now, _he thought, staring at the pill in his hand. _And I wouldn't be doing this. _

Collins drank a little of the water, stood up, and left the room. He walked into the bathroom tossed the pill into the toilet and flushed it. He had been doing this since he chose Justin over Angel. He saw it as the only suitable punishment for his stupidity. After watching the pill go down the drain, he headed toward the livingroom area where his nose was immediately assaulted with the smell of chocolate cake and chocolate chip cookies. It was then that Justin emerged from the kitchen.

"Sweetie, you're supposed to be in bed," he told the anarchist.

"I was dying of boredom in there," Collins replied. Justin put the back of his hand to Collins' forehead.

"Aw, sweetie, I think your fever got worse." Collins brought Justin's hand down.

"You need to stop obsessing over me havin' a little cold," he said. He then turned his head away from Justin and began coughing uncontrollably. "God . . . damn." After his coughing fit, he looked back at Justin, who had a concerned look on his face.

"A little cold, huh?" he said, trying not to let himself be overly worried.

"My head hurts again." Collins began to sway a bit. He was beginning to feel dizzy as well as see double. He silently tried to convince himself that he was just tired. Between working and being sick, he hadn't gotten much sleep in the past week. Justin kissed Collins' forehead and led him to the couch.

"Just sit down," he told Collins. "I have to take the cookies out of the oven. I'll be right back, birthday boy." Justin went back into the kitchen as Collins sat down on the couch and closed his eyes. His head was swimming. He began thinking of Angel and all the birthday surprises he had planned for him. There was then a knock at the door. Collins' eyes snapped open and before he could stand up, Justin came out of the kitchen.

"Justin, I was about to answer the door," Collins told him.

"You just relax, okay?" Justin replied, making his way to the door. He opened it and Mark, followed by Roger, Mimi, Maureen, and Joanne, entered the apartment.

"Happy birthday, Collins!" Maureen exclaimed, running across the room and hugging her best friend. Collins returned the hug, but quickly pushed Maureen away from him.

"Mo, what kind of perfume are you wearing?" he asked, turning his head. Maureen sniffed her shirt as Justin shut the door.

"I don't know," she said. "Pookie bought it for me. Do you not like it?"

"It's . . . makin' me . . . nauseous." Collins started gagging and Maureen quickly moved away from him. Justin rushed to the kitchen and returned with a glass of water. He gave it to Collins, who sipped it.

"I'm sorry I made you sick, Collins," Maureen said, frowning. Joanne put an arm around her.

"Mo, I've been sick all week. It's not your fault." Collins drank a little more of his water.

"We have gifts for you, Collins," Mimi said. She started walking toward Collins with the gift from her and Roger.

"No, open mine and Pookie's first!" Maureen shouted. "Pookie, give it to him!" Joanne rolled her eyes and approached Collins with the gift bag she was holding. Collins took it from her and pulled a T-shirt with a marijuana leaf on it out of it. "I got one for me too so when we smoke together, we can match! Do you _love _it?"

"Yeah, Mo," Collins replied, chuckling. "It's real nice. Thank you."

"I can't hug you, can I?"

"I'll live." The diva smiled, rushed to Collins, and hugged him as someone else knocked on the door. Everyone watched as Justin opened it and Angel, with Michael right behind him, slowly walked into the apartment carrying a wrapped box. Collins immediately stood up. The dizziness he felt not too long ago returned with force.

"Angel . . ." he said. Angel gave him a slight smile.

"Happy birthday, Collins," he said, walking toward Collins. As he took the gift from Angel's hands, Collins took in his former lover's beauty. He hadn't seen the drag queen in three months. He seemed more beautiful than Collins remembered.

"Thank you," Collins replied.

"Sorry, we can't stay," Michael said. "She just wanted to drop off your gift."

"It was nice seeing you, Collins," Angel told the anarchist. Collins took a shaky step toward Angel and pulled him into a hug, which the drag queen returned. The embrace felt right to the both of them. It told them the other still cared. They both missed each other terribly every day and the hug reflected that. Collins wanted to cry at that moment.

"We should get going," Michael said to Angel. And just like that, the hug ended.

"Right," Angel replied as Michael took his hand. "Happy birthday, again, Collins." They started heading toward the door.

"Wait," Collins said, causing Angel to turn back to him. His vision began failing him again and the pain in his head was worsening. "Don't you wanna stay for . . . cake . . . or . . ." He clutched his head. "Goddamn . . ." Angel instantly became worried.

"You okay, honey?" he asked, walking toward Collins.

"He's been sick all week," Justin explained, walking toward Collins as well. The anarchist began noticeably swaying. "Sweetie, you should sit back down."

"No," Angel said. "No, he's _really _sick. He needs a doctor." The drag queen took hold of Collins' arm as he continued to sway. "Michael, we'll have to go to dinner some other time. Collins needs to go to the hospital."

"_I _can take him," Justin commented. Collins was seeing darkness and barely hearing the voices of the people that were in the room with him. He was passing out. He knew it.

"Then why haven't you taken him yet?" Angel's voice was angry. He looked to Collins and spoke in a soft voice. "Honey, we're gonna take you to the hospital, okay?"

Before he could even attempt to respond, Collins fell to the floor, unconscious.

**Review please.**


	9. The Bartender or the Drag Queen?

**Next one! I said in chapter six that I was deleting one of my stories, but now I'm not sure. I'm taking votes. I put a poll up on my profile, so if you guys could, please vote. Thank you. Now, on with the story.**

**I own nothing but the plot line. The Almighty Larson owns the rest.**

When Collins opened his eyes, he was immediately blinded by an extremely bright light. He shielded his eyes with his hand and began trying to figure out where he was. Memories from the past three months flooded his mind. He remembered it was his birthday and Angel had come to his apartment to give him a present. After that . . . nothing. The steady beeping of a heart monitor let him know he was in a hospital. He hated things that beeped almost as much as he hated hospitals. Covering his face with both of his hands, he groaned loudly.

"Collins?" Removing his hands from his face, Collins made eye contact with Mark. The filmmaker had a cup of coffee in his hand and was sitting in a chair. The chair was facing the window and Mark was looking at Collins over his shoulder. Next to him was a sleeping Angel. His red jacket was serving as a blanket.

"Angel . . ." Collins whispered. He tried his best to sit up in the bed he was in.

"Collins, are you feeling any better?" Mark asked, placing his coffee cup on the window sill. He stood up and walked to the side of Collins' bed.

"Mark . . . what happened?" the anarchist asked. The sharp pains he felt shooting through his body stopped him from trying to sit up.

"We all came over to your apartment to give you gifts for your birthday." Collins nodded and turned his attention to Angel. "Then Angel came over to drop _her_ gift for you off because she had a date with Michael and you passed out."

"What happened after that?" Collins kept his eyes on Angel as he spoke. He looked so peaceful, yet so uncomfortable sleeping in his chair.

"Joanne called an ambulance and Angel and Justin got into an argument." Hearing this caused Collins to tear his attention from Angel.

"An argument?" he repeated. "What were they arguing about?"

"You." Collins was looking at Angel again. He wanted to know every detail of the argument between the drag queen and the bartender. "Justin tried to kick Angel out of the apartment, but Angel ignored him and kept demanding to know why he hadn't taken you to see a doctor. Then Justin told Angel to mind her own business and that she had no say in anything involving your relationship because she was old news."

"What'd Angel say to that?" Collins asked, still staring at the sweet face of his ex-lover.

"I have no idea," Mark confessed. "She started screaming at him in Spanish. But by the look on Mimi's face, I can tell she didn't say anything nice."

Collins chuckled a bit. He silently wished that he was closer to Angel or he was in the small bed with him. He wanted to hold the small Latino. Stroke his cheek, kiss his soft lips. He was willing to give anything to have Angel in his life again. He couldn't live without him. He didn't _want _to live without him.

"Where's Justin now?" Collins asked, giving Mark his full attention.

"At work," the filmmaker answered. "He tried to get out of it, but he couldn't."

"Where's everybody else?"

"I would think at their respective homes sleeping. It's four in the morning, Collins. I stayed because I knew I wouldn't be able to get any sleep knowing you were in the hospital."

"Well, why is Angel here? Shouldn't she be at home with Michael?" Collins didn't really want Angel to be with Michael, but he felt like he should pretend to be concerned about their relationship for decencies' sake.

"She said she's not leaving this place until _you _do." Mark looked at Angel. "She was so afraid you were gonna die, Collins. We all were." Mark looked to the floor.

"What's wrong, Mark?" Collins asked. His friend slowly looked at him.

"The doctor said your T-cell count is the lowest it's ever been." Mark looked like he was about to cry. "He said you used to be his healthiest AIDS patient. Collins, what happened?" Collins looked away from Mark. He knew why his T-cell count was low. He knew how and why he had gotten sick.

"I . . . had a student who was sick a couple weeks ago," Collins said. "I guess I must've . . . gotten too close to her by accident." It wasn't a complete lie. Yes, a student of his had some sort of virus. And yes, he did get to close, but it was _far _from an accident.

"Promise me you'll be more careful next time," Mark told his friend.

Collins simply nodded.

* * *

"Open up, sweetie," Justin said, holding a spoon near Collins' mouth. It had been about a week since Collins had been released from the hospital. He was thinking about Angel even more now that he knew about the argument he had with Justin. He knew Angel wasn't prone to arguing unless something really bothered him and often wondered if he'd gotten into the argument with Justin because he still had feelings for him.

"You don't have to feed me, you know," Collins said to Justin.

"I know," the smaller of the two replied. "I just wanna take care of you."

"And you're doin' a good job of it." Justin smiled and put the bowl of soup he was feeding Collins on the coffee table. "But I'm well enough now to take care of myself."

"I'm just making sure, sweetie." Justin stroked Collins' cheek and slid closer to him on the couch. "I love you."

That caught Collins off guard. He'd noticed that Justin had become more affectionate, but he wasn't prepared to hear the three words he was used to hearing Angel say come from the bartender's mouth. Afraid that he would hurt Justin's feelings if he didn't respond in _some _way, Collins pulled the smaller man into a kiss. Justin wrapped his arms around Collins' neck and pulled himself closer to him.

"Justin," Collins said softly, breaking the kiss, "shouldn't you be leaving for work?" Justin groaned, stood up, and left the room. The moment he did, Collins let out a relieved sigh. He hadn't thought that reminding Justin about work would actually distract him from the fact that Collins hadn't said "I love you" back.

"I'll probably be back at around two or three," Justin said, returning to the room with his car keys in his hand. "You have my number if you need me and there's more soup in the kitchen if you get hungry, okay?"

"Okay, but I'm not a little kid," Collins replied, standing up and walking toward Justin.

"I know, sweetie, I'm just a little-"

"Paranoid?" Collins guessed. Justin chuckled and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Bye, sweetie," Justin said as he walked out the door.

Collins walked back to the couch and sat down, feeling guilty for being glad that Justin was gone. He needed this time, needed to be alone. Justin had just made him realize that he really needed to think about everything that had happened in his life during the past months. From when the arguments with Angel began to Justin saying "I love you."

He was actually tempted to say it back, but he couldn't and he wasn't quite sure why. Then he realized that through all the fighting he had been doing with Angel, a part of him _wanted _to hear those words. It didn't matter who said them, he just wanted to hear them. He _needed _to hear them. He'd gone so long without hearing them, he'd almost forgotten they could form a sentence.

After about fifteen minutes, a knock interrupted Collins' thoughts. He stood up and walked to the door.

"What'd you forget?" he asked as he opened the door.

He was expecting to see Justin and was shocked to see Angel. He was wearing no drag. He had so much natural beauty Collins didn't think drag was ever necessary. He was just wearing jeans, tennis shoes, a T-shirt, and his red jacket. He looked the same as he did when he and Collins first met. There was a bowl covered with aluminum foil in his hands. Collins stared at Angel almost in amazement and noticed, there on his left ring finger, the ring he had worked overtime to afford.

"Hi, Collins," Angel said. "Can I come in?"

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	10. What Happened to Us?

**Next chapter! :)**

**I own nothing but the plot line. The Almighty Larson owns it all.**

Angel stepped into the apartment and Collins closed the door. He watched his former lover walk toward the couch before turning to face him.

"I, uh, brought you some of my homemade soup," Angel said, holding the bowl out. Collins walked to him and took the bowl. He smiled at it and placed it on the coffee table. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," Collins replied.

"That's good." There was a silence. "Where's Justin?"

"He just left for work." Angel nodded and there was another silence. "What brings you here?"

"I got lonely and decided I'd bring you some soup."

"'Lonely?' Weren't you with Michael?" Angel shook his head.

"He had to go out of town for business. He'll be gone for a week."

"How come you came here instead of going to Mimi's?"

"I don't know." A silence passed between them. Collins kept his eyes on Angel. His mind reminded him of the argument between Justin and his former lover that Mark had told him about. Angel was looking at the floor. "So, when will Justin be back from work?"

"He said two or three." Another silence. "Why did you two get into an argument?" Angel's attention quickly went from the floor to Collins. "Mark told me."

"Oh," Angel said. "Well . . . I'm gonna be completely honest with you. We don't like each other. At all."

"That doesn't answer the question." Angel's eyes narrowed. "What?"

"Do you see what you just did there?"

"What'd I do?"

"You asked me a question and because I didn't answer when _you _wanted me to, you demanded an answer. You _always _do that, Collins."

"No, I don't."

"There's _another _thing you always do. You refuse to believe anything anybody else says. Especially me." Collins gave Angel a slight glare.

"Did you just come over here to point out reasons you broke up with me?" he asked, folding his arms across his chest. "'Cause if that's the case, you can leave."

"Not wanting to deal with a problem is another thing," Angel said.

"Fuck you."

"Getting mad when you know someone's telling the truth is another one." Collins walked over to the door and opened it.

"Goodbye, Angel," he said, not bothering to look at the drag queen.

"I'm not going anywhere, Collins," Angel told him. Collins slowly looked at him and he folded his arms. He returned the anarchist's gaze and the two stared at each other for a long moment. Suddenly, Collins slammed the door, causing Angel to jump slightly.

"Why the fuck are you here?" Collins asked angrily as he walked toward Angel.

"I already told you I don't know!" Angel shouted at him, matching his glare.

"Then why won't you leave?"

"You're not the boss of me, Collins! I can stay here as long as I want!"

"Get out!"

"No!"

"GET THE FUCK OUT, ANGEL!"

"I'M NOT FUCKING LEAVING, COLLINS!" Collins grabbed Angel by his arm and pulled him toward the door. "Get the fuck off of me!"

"You're leaving! _Now!" _

"No, I'm fucking _not!" _Angel used all of his strength to pry Collins' hand off of his arm and push the anarchist away from him. Infuriated, Collins grabbed Angel by his shoulders and slammed him against a wall. Fear overcame Angel as he looked into Collins' rage filled eyes.

"Are you gonna leave, or am I gonna have to hurt you?" he asked. Angel managed to push Collins away from him, but was immediately forced against the wall again. "Answer the goddamn question!"

"Let me go, Collins," Angel said timidly.

"Are you gonna leave if I do?"

"Get off of me!" Angel began struggling to break free of Collins' grasp. He was suddenly thrown to the floor and he crawled toward the wall furthest from the door.

"Angel Dumott Schunard, if you don't answer me _right now, _I swear to God-"

"If you hit me, I'm calling the police!" Angel interrupted. Collins started walking toward him. He seemed like a completely different person. "Collins, please! I already get enough of this with Michael! I don't need it from _you _too!" Collins stopped walking. His eyes widened as he realized what Angel had said, what he had just done, and what he was about to do.

"Shit!" he exclaimed. He rushed to Angel and knelt in front of him. "I'm _so _sorry, Angel! I don't know what came over me! I just got mad and I-" He stopped himself in mid-sentence. "What do you mean you get enough of this with Michael?"

"It's nothing," Angel said softly, pulling his knees up to chest and leaning against the wall. He looked away from Collins.

"I don't believe you," Collins replied, reaching out to Angel and slowly turning his attention back to him. "Angel, is Michael hitting you?" A tear rolled down Angel's cheek and he soon burst into tears.

"I don't know what to do . . ." Angel sobbed. Collins sat next to him and pulled him onto his lap. Angel laid his head on Collins' chest as the anarchist wrapped his arms around the smaller man and held him while he cried.

"It's okay, Angel," Collins told him. "It's okay. Shh . . . I'm here. I've got you. I've got you." He kissed Angel's forehead gently. Angel slowly lifted his head off of Collins' chest and gave him a peck on the lips, causing his former lover's eyes to widen.

"I'm sorry," Angel said quietly, looking down at his hands. Collins lifted Angel's head, placed his hands on the sides of the drag queen's face, and kissed him gently yet passionately. They both melted into the kiss, wanting it to last forever. Lack of air eventually ended it and they rested their foreheads on one another's.

"Angel . . ." Collins said. "Angel . . . what the hell are we doing?"

"What do you mean?" Angel replied.

"Why are we . . . apart? Weren't we happy? Didn't we love each other?"

"Of course we did. I _still _love you."

"And _I _still love _you. _So, why are you with Michael and why am I with Justin?" Angel got off of Collins' lap and stood up.

"I'm only with Michael _because _you're with Justin," he said. Collins stood up as well.

"What?" he replied.

"I was trying to make you jealous so you'd take me back, but I guess it didn't really work."

"That doesn't sound like you at all."

"It was Maureen's idea. She said if I wanted you back, I should find an old boyfriend and pretend to date him so you'd get jealous and fight for me."

"Why am I not surprised?" Angel frowned slightly. "What's wrong?"

"You didn't fight for me," Angel pointed out. Collins walked to him and held one of his hands. "Was I not worth it to you?"

"Don't you ever say somethin' like that again," Collins told him. "I love you. More than life itself."

"Then why did you let me go?"

"I thought you were happy with Michael and your happiness is everything to me." Collins kissed Angel's hand and he smiled. "I'm sorry I caused our breakup and I'm _really _sorry I picked Justin over you. That was the dumbest decision I've ever-" Collins was interrupted by his beeper going off. He decided to ignore it. "I shouldn't have chosen Justin. I _really _shouldn't have."

"It's time for your AZT, isn't it?" Angel asked, slipping his hand out of Collins'.

"Yeah, but I can take it later. You're more important to me."

"Collins, you _need _to take your AZT."

"I'll take it later."

"I don't want you to end up in the hospital again." Angel started heading toward the bathroom, hoping to find Collins' medicine there. Collins grabbed his hand and stopped him from walking. "Collins-"

"Angel I have . . . a confession to make," Collins interrupted.

"What is it?" Collins let go of Angel's hand and looked at the floor. "Collins?"

"You might wanna sit down." Angel walked over to the couch and sat down. He watched as Collins took a deep breath and looked up at him. "For the past three months, I've been . . . self loathing."

"Why?" Angel asked.

"'Cause I know I should've gone back into the Life Café with Mimi and talked to you. I know I should be with _you _right now instead of Justin. And I hate myself for making such a stupid decision. So, I've been slowly and silently . . . punishing myself."

"How? What've you been doing to yourself, Collins?" Angel was worried and his voice had a panicked tone to it. Collins looked at the floor again.

"I haven't been . . . taking my AZT," he said softly. Angel quickly got up off the couch.

"What? Collins-"

"That's not all," Collins interrupted. Angel fell silent and waited for Collins to continue. "I . . . purposely got sick. And the reason Justin didn't take me to the hospital is because . . . I begged him not to. It would've ruined everything."

"Collins, honey, how could you do that to yourself? _Why _would you do that to yourself?" Tears fell from Collins' eyes.

"I couldn't live without you," he said, his voice just above a whisper. "I _didn't _want to live without you. I still don't. I love you too much. And it hurts to see you with Michael." Angel lifted his head and wiped his tears away. "Angel, baby, I'm sorry I was so stupid. I'm sorry I was controlling and demanding. Please, please, _please _take me back."

Angel said nothing and pulled Collins into a deep kiss.

**Review please.**


	11. Secret Lovers

**Okay, ya'll! Here is the next chapter! Now, the next chapter can go one of two ways: smut or no smut. You guys choose in your reviews.**

**I own nothing but the plot line. The Almighty Larson owns the rest.**

Collins lay in his bed, looking up at the ceiling. He had an arm around Angel, who had his head on Collins' chest. They had made love for the first time since their breakup and were basking in the afterglow. Every once and a while, they would whisper, "I love you" to one another, Collins would plant a sweet kiss on Angel's forehead, or Angel would plant a kiss on Collins' chest. They missed the little things they did like that. They missed each other.

Suddenly, Angel sat upright.

"Holy shit!" he exclaimed. Collins sat up as well.

"What's wrong, Ang?" he asked. Angel looked at him with widened eyes.

"Collins, do you realize what we just did?"

"Yes, I do." Collins pulled Angel closer to him and kissed his neck. "We just made sweet, sweet love for the very first time in ninety days."

"No! Honey, we were just unfaithful!"

"What're you talkin' about?"

"Collins, we're not together anymore. You're with Justin and I'm with Michael."

"And . . .?"

"And we just had sex! _And _it was _fantastic!" _Collins smiled and kissed Angel's cheek. "Collins, this is _so _bad! This is _so, so, so _bad! We cheated together! Oh my God! Michael's gonna be _so _pissed!"

"Angel, baby, calm down," Collins told the drag queen. "Why are you flippin' out?" Angel's mouth dropped open and he stared at Collins in disbelief.

"Why are you _not _flipping out?" he asked. "Don't you care about Justin's feelings?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Then _why _are you so calm?" Angel interrupted.

"Because what we just did has shown me somethin' important."

"What?"

"It's shown me that we really are meant to be together." Collins took one of Angel's hands in one of his. "Angel, three months ago was hell. _Absolute hell. _I kept thinkin' about all the good times we had and I tried my damnedest to figure out why we ended. I came up with the conclusion that you just . . . didn't love me anymore. And it killed me."

"I'm pretty sure the way I acted didn't help," Angel said, looking away from Collins.

"To be completely honest with you, it didn't," Collins replied. He then turned Angel's head so his attention was on him again. "It wasn't until Mark told me about the argument between you and Justin that I realized we never actually ended."

"What do you mean?"

"We still loved each other even though we weren't showin' it. We wanted to be with each other again. We never ended, Angel, we just . . . stopped for a little while. We took a break just like you wanted."

"After three days of being without you, I realized that taking a break was the stupidest thing I've ever suggested," Angel admitted.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I could barely breathe without you. I missed you _so _much. I can't even tell you how many times I had to stop myself from calling out your name during sex." Collins chuckled and Angel gave him a playful punch in the arm. "It's _not _funny."

"You gotta admit it's a _little _funny," Collins replied, still chuckling. Angel began giggling after a while.

"I guess so." Angel looked at the clock on the night stand next to the bed. "It's almost two in the morning. I should get going." The drag queen got out of the bed, picked up his clothes, and began getting dressed. Collins soon followed Angel's example.

"I wish this didn't have to end," Collins said, pulling on his pants. An idea suddenly came to Angel as he slipped his feet into his tennis shoes.

"Maybe it doesn't _have _to," he replied, smirking slightly. Collins raised an eyebrow as Angel stepped toward him. "Is Justin working again tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Collins replied. "He's working at the same time all week. Why?"

"Well . . . I'll be _all alone _in my apartment." Angel wrapped his arms around Collins' neck and kissed him. "You could come over and . . . keep me company. And then the next day, I can come over here and so on."

"Angel, are _you_, the one who was freakin' out about bein' unfaithful not even ten minutes ago, proposing that we have an affair?" Collins asked, getting turned on by the second.

"Doesn't it sound . . . _sexy?" _Angel replied.

"Can't argue with you there. But I'd rather be your boyfriend again." Collins placed his hands on Angel's waist. "What if we break things off with Justin and Michael at the end of the week?"

"Oh . . . I don't know about that, honey," Angel said, taking his arms from around Collins' neck.

"You don't want to?" Collins removed his hands from Angel's waist.

"It's not that I don't want to. It's just . . . I don't know how Michael would take it." Angel noticed a sad look on Collins' face and kissed him. "But I'll try, just for you."

Once both of them were fully dressed, Collins walked Angel to the door. He opened it and the two shared a passionate kiss to say goodbye.

"Remember, my place tomorrow," Angel said, breaking the kiss and backing into the hallway. Collins smiled at him.

"I'll see you then, lover," he replied.

**Short, but you should review anyway. :) And don't forget to make your choice. **


	12. They Don't Understand

**Smut chapter! I cannot take credit for the smut in this chapter though. That goes to Black Raven 2539. Yep.**

**I own nothing but the plot line. The Almighty Larson owns the rest.**

Collins held Justin's hand as they climbed the stairs to the loft. Mimi had invited them for a reason that was unknown to the anarchist. He had asked Justin-he had answered the phone when Mimi called-several times what the reason was, but he got no response. During the car ride to the loft, Collins thought about his and Angel's escapade of the previous night. He was soon thinking of being with him again later in the night. He had to focus on the road in order to keep himself from becoming aroused.

Once the two of them had reached the loft, Justin knocked on the door. A few seconds passed before Maureen opened the door, wearing a pointed party hat. She squealed upon seeing Collins and trapped him in a tight hug.

"Collins!" she exclaimed. She released him and pulled him into the loft. The first thing Collins noticed was a banner that said "Happy Birthday" in all capital letters. He stared at it in confusion.

"Surprise!" all his friends shouted.

"What's going on here?" Collins asked.

"It was Angel's idea," Mimi told him. He turned to Angel as he stood up. He was wearing a white skirt, a multicolored top, and stiletto heels. It was one of Collins' favorite outfits of his. It seemed to hug his body in all the right places.

"I felt bad that you didn't get to enjoy your birthday because you were sick," Angel explained. "So, I thought we should celebrate now that you're feeling better." Collins smiled and Angel smiled back at him. They seemed to be lost in each other's eyes for a long moment. Collins' mind went back to being with Angel. It took everything in him not to pounce on the drag queen right then and there.

"How sweet of you, Angel," Justin said in a condescending tone. He forced a small smile.

"I'm so glad you think so," Angel replied, matching Justin's tone perfectly. He took Collins' other hand and pulled him away from Justin. A cake was placed on the table in front of Collins as he sat down on the old, ratty couch.

Throughout the small party, Justin watched Angel closely. Every now and then, he would subtly flirt with Collins. The anarchist seemed completely oblivious to this. He was just genuinely happy that Angel and Justin were getting along. Of course, he knew they were only pretending, but at least no one was fighting. Collins and Justin stayed at the loft until it was time for Justin to go to work. He offered to take Collins home on his way to the bar, but the anarchist told him he wanted to spend time with his friends for a little while longer. Even though he didn't want to leave Collins in the same room with Angel, Justin left the loft after giving his boyfriend the most passionate kiss possible, earning a glare from the drag queen.

About fifteen minutes later, Angel suggested that he and Collins share a cab home. The look in his eyes was one of pure desire. Collins once again had to stop himself from pouncing on Angel as he stood up and followed the Latino out of the loft. Outside, Angel hailed a cab with ease. He kept his hand on Collins' thigh during the cab ride. They were near the apartment they used to share when Angel told Collins that he wasn't going to be able to wait to get to his new home. Collins immediately told the driver to stop the car and Angel paid him. The two of them then practically ran into the building and to the apartment, where they shed their jackets, letting them fall to the floor. Their lips met as they moved toward the couch. Angel gently pushed Collins away and bit his bottom lip as he slowly sat down on the couch.

"Take me," he said seductively.

Collins roughly kissed Angel, setting his back upon the arm of the couch. Their tongues danced as he slid his hand up the drag queen's thigh, feeling his arousal with much anticipation. Angel let out a loud moan of desire as Collins' hand squeezed around him. Angel gasped and his thighs clenched tight as Collins played with him, knowing his body and weakness as he nibbled on his earlobe and tweaked his hard nipples with his finger.

"Collins, please!" Angel cried out, becoming even more aroused. Collins slid his skirt and top off expertly. Angel looked exceptionally appetizing, clad in only red panties. Collins finally stopped with his foreplay, he himself unimaginably hard from just Angel's pants and breathy moans.

Angel trembled with desire, waves of feeling coursed through him. The excitement, the feeling of Collins' mouth as it trailed from his neck to his lean chest, which only slowly continued to get lower.

Collins smirked as he played, stroked, and teased Angel, his neediness making him love every second he was with him. He let his breath ghost over Angel's arousal and he squirmed, nearly whining that he wanted him. As Collins slipped his hand into his boxers, palming his own erection in an effort to soothe the tension, he slipped off Angel's panties and kissed the top of his arousal before letting his sweet essence slip into his mouth. Angel let out a gasp.

Collins quickly shed off his clothes, reaching in the coffee table compartment for a heavily dented lube tube. This reminded him of the times Angel and he had spent together, and how much he wanted him more. Collins lubricated himself, to ease the beginning pain for Angel. He kissed him on her lips as he pushed in, taking his mind away from the pain that would soon become pleasure. He started slow to let his lover get used to him. Angel moaned loudly as he wrapped his legs around Collins' waist, signaling him to go deeper, and faster. He did, and Angel's head tilted back in ecstacy as Collins grabbed his arousal, and started to pump it.

Angel's back arched up as he was coming close to his peak. Collins picked up his pace. Angel clenched as he reached his climax. His seed shot upon his belly and Collin's hand. Collins buried himself deep within Angel as he clenched around him, and his seed shot deep inside him as he climaxed. They stared into each other's eyes for a moment before Angel threw his arms around Collins' neck and pulled him into a deep kiss. They _did _feel a bit bad that they were betraying Michael and Justin's trust, but they weren't the least bit sorry for what they were doing.

They had a love that only they could possibly understand and would be damned if anyone tried to make them apologize for it.

**Review please.**


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